Today is my due date. The day that I thought I would welcome my baby boy into this world. The day that I thought would be celebrated as my son's birthday each year. The day that I thought would be the greatest day of my life. Instead, it's one of my worst.
Today is a harsh reminder of what could have been. Today is a harsh reminder of the immense pain, physically and emotionally, I endured on June 10th and the days and months following. Today is a harsh reminder that the nursery I painted and began decorating remains empty. Today is a harsh reminder that my first baby won't be my first born.
As I've begun navigating the journey of loss and grief over the last few months, I've been comforted by new connections I've made with people who have experienced traumas similar to my own. What began as a belief that I was alone has transformed into the understanding that pregnancy and infant loss is all too common - we just don't talk about it enough.
Everyone wants to share their shiny objects, but no one wants to expose their imperfections. Because of this, we're inadvertently silencing those who have stories to tell. Though they're less pretty, they hold just as much, if not more, value and worth.
Going through hardships, experiencing loss, and navigating grief should not be taboo. It's normal. And it's time to normalize the normal.
Today is a hard day for me. And I'm not going to brush myself off, pick myself up, and act like I'm okay. I'm giving myself the permission to have a hard day. Strength is not pushing through it, it's going through it.
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Written by: Ashley Faith
10/28/2021