From the Heart of an Angel Mom
Our Baby Everest went to be with Jesus. . .
Everyone experiences loss and grief so differently. One second your loved one is with you, and then, they are not.
Everyone hears about their own loss differently as well. For us, it was, “𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁.” I’ll never forget those words or the moment we heard them or the heart-felt, sympathetic tone that accompanied them.
There is no heartbeat.
More than that, I’ll never forget all that baby Everest has taught me so far—about myself, about others, about life, and about my faith in Christ.
I’m still learning so much. How amazing it is, though, that my unborn child could teach me as much as I’ve learned!
There’s an interesting dance happening with deep, deep sorrow and this peace I feel. One second I can’t breathe because the loss feels so heavily painful, and the next, I’m thinking about butter on my pancakes.
𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘂𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 until I was pregnant with Everest. And now, that’s the only way I can eat them. My heart tugs at the sight of so many things, not just butter.
There are remnants of Everest everywhere—especially at home. But, as I sat at the kitchen table the other morning trying to process the emotions of it all, I was trying to answer. . .
“𝘔𝘺 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 ______.”
I just kept thinking about how much love I have for this baby and all the things I wanted to teach Everest.
And then my heart was flooded with how much more 𝗝𝗲𝘀𝘂𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱. Baby Everest is with the mighty Teacher—the One who loves him/her best. That kind of love is so powerful!
This doesn’t take the pain away, but it gives me hope.
Everest will never know pain or suffering of any kind. There’s a unique kind of beauty in that.
It’s a very surreal place to be—deep in the depths of the valley of grief while being covered with the kind of peace that surpasses all understanding.
So, where do 𝙬𝙚 go from here?
One of the best pieces of wisdom we have received comes from others who have walked before us. . .
“Keep talking about it with each other and with trusted friends and family.”
Something very healing happens when people hold space for you to share your raw, unfiltered emotions.
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you! Thank you to the friends and family who have been holding space for us at all hours of the day and night! Thank you for helping us embrace Everest all the more. Thank you for your 𝘂𝗻𝘄𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 and prayers!
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength. . . —Isaiah 40:31
Shared by: Stephanie Richmond 10/1/2021